Thursday, December 22, 2005
crazy cray fishin kringle kristmas kunts
so we're at this secret candy striped restaurant for the speciality of the house - 'lobster' (except we all know there's no lobster here - they have the claws (like yabbies), and these, crayfish, only have feelers out in front). but more about the 'lobster' later.
first, we had to take care of the kris kringle. now, my family's never gone in for the KK, but i hear it's about getting a random name before the day, shopping for that one random person, who then receives the present, anonymously. our KK was going to be different. each person takes a card from the deck. ace high, suits in order. this ranks people from 1 to 8, say. #1 goes first, picks a wrapped present from the pile and unwraps it. #2 then either steals #1's present, or picks their own from the pile. if #2 steals, then #1 goes back to the pile and unwraps their new selection. then #3 either steals from #1 or #2, or picks from the pile, and so on up the chain. #8 obviously gets their pick of the loot, except for the one remaining "mystery" present in the pile. much hilarity ensues, but here's the rub: some people in this game are going to get screwed, and some are going to come up roses. you get screwed either by having someone steal your awesome present, or by not having the cold heartedness to rip away someone's obviously cherished prize even if you really really want it (which may be taken from you later anyway, except if you're topdog).
now, i realise this is how our society supposedly functions nowadays, but it seems to me that christmas, for all its crass commercialisation, is one time of the year when "screw or be screwed" is not exactly the mentality we should be employing. i mean, what the fuck happened to the "joy of giving"? somehow it got turned into the "joy of seeing someone else's face light up when they are given something they really like, only to see them crestfallen when somene screws them over, and then seeing that same person happy again when the person that fucked them gets fucked themselves, ad nauseum". the point being that at the end of the night, some people are happy, some people are pissed off.
so obviously it starts with tampa and children overboard. then purloining hanson's policies, then continues on to wage an illegal war and kill 1 crore civilians, ends up with race riots on sin city beaches and now culminates in capitalist libertarian kris kringles. i mean, really.
ok, so back to the 'lobster'... you know what, screw the lobster, i feel like steak.